June

June 6th, Group Email. Subject: Home Again Part II

So I'm home now. Finally home. Now. Finally.

Got a little sick over the past few days and fell behind on my web-log. But with any luck my hospital days are over, thus ending daily web entries and marking my return to emailing. My deepest gratitude goes out to the oh so many people who have stayed uncannily close to me through this bizarre synergistic medium, the internet. I cannot say thanks enough for the wide spread support I have received.

So here's an update of my most recent adventures.

I completed my hospital stay with record ease and promptness: 18 days, eating the whole time and never needing pain meds. I was discharged, but back at home I didn't feel like celebrating. I didn't feel like doing anything. After 24 hours of blahs I discovered a fever of 102. I was promptly readmitted to the hospital. Back in the same hospital room I tossed about in bed with fevers that peaked continually, like the Wasatch Mountains extending into the horizon. 103 was a common elevation, 104 the highest peak. Between each summit I would find myself drenched in a pool of sweat.

Monday was probably the longest day of my life. Each hour spent dozing in and out of consciousness meant only one minute to the looming clock on the wall. Tuesday the fevers started lessening, the mountains sinking into the valleys. But each time I thought it was over, I'd spike a sudden, new fever. The doctors nodded in uncertainty. More blood cultures were drawn, the Infectious disease guys were called in and they investigated more blood and whatever I could hack up. Nothing turned up positive.

Finally late last night my temp returned to normal. I started feeling better. By this morning I was bouncing off the walls, ready to go home, fevers or no fevers. Despite having no findings and a rule that said they should watch me longer, the Docs decided to let me go on good behavior. Or maybe they were just sick of me.

So I'm back home, Kuma by my side as I type. She expects a good walk to absolve me of my absence.. It's good to be home. Home. Finally. Good.

June 20th, Group Email. Subject: Latest Gallium

Well, I just had another gallium scan. The routine is the same. I don't get an official report on the scan till next week, but I took a sneak peek at the scan myself and I have to admit it's the best thing I've seen all year. No longer could I instantly recognize the scan as belonging to me because of the mediastinal abnormality. Where bright spots had been, I could now see my spine, harmlessly continuing it's way down my body. A beautiful sight. For the first time I have visual proof that my body may finally be free of it's own terror. My scan looks like that of anyone else living with good health. I saw what I wanted, and feel pride in that featureless digital shadow of my insides. Finally, I have become anonymous.

But for now I have to be content with just knowing that there's an end to this tunnel. It's not over yet. I may be leaving Chemoville for the first time in ten months, but I'm entering the city walls of Radiationton. Four weeks of radiation to the chest, starting next wednesday. Then the worst part of it all; I have to start looking for a job!